The Blessing of Despair (Deeper)

Can’t you imagine what it’s like to be in despair?” Anne Shirley asked. “No, I can’t,” came Marilla Cuthbert’s dry reply. “Despair means turning your back on God.”

This brief exchange is from „Anne of Green Gables“, the heartwarming story of an imaginative orphan girl taken in by an older sibling duo. (My book and movie recommendation, by the way!)

We often associate despair with something deeply negative—and rightly so, as being in despair is a terrible experience. Yet, there’s a healthy and even necessary kind of despair. It’s a despair that doesn’t turn us away from God, but drives us into His arms: despair over ourselves.

In the second chapter of Deeper by Dane C. Ortlund (you can find a blog post on the first chapter here), the author explains that growth as a Christian involves “an increasing awareness of just how pitiful and powerless we are in our own strength—how hollow and futile our own efforts at spiritual growth are… Fullness comes only by facing our emptiness.”

Progress in the Christian life often feels like we’re moving backward. But it’s essential for us to become increasingly aware of our own sinfulness. Repentance—turning away from sin—isn’t just crucial at the moment of conversion. “The entire Christian life is one of repentance. We move forward by continually turning back to God.”

We need to grasp that we are utterly incapable of contributing anything to our salvation—except for the sin that makes salvation necessary. Christian salvation is not self-improvement; it is resurrection from the dead.

Too often, we downplay our guilt. Too often, we point fingers at others. But it’s vital for us to experience true despair over ourselves and our sinful state.

As J. I. Packer writes: “The measure of someone’s spiritual health is the degree of their despair over themselves that leads them to depend on Christ.” Over time, we grow increasingly aware of how corrupt we truly are in ourselves. Toward the end of his life, the apostle Paul described himself as the worst sinner he had ever known (see 1 Timothy 1:15).

Do you feel despair over the sinfulness of your heart? Are you truly aware of how lost you are without Jesus? Pride resists these truths, and the world around us encourages us to believe in ourselves. But the hard reality is that there is nothing good in us to hold onto (see Romans 7:18).

But despair is not the end.

“Healthy despair is a gateway, not the path itself. We must pass through it, but we cannot stay there. Repentance means turning away from self. Faith means turning toward Jesus… We live with an expectant posture, ready to receive power from above.”

From My Heart to Yours

“One of my friends, who’s reading this book with me, told me, ‘Chapter 2 completely undid me—in the best possible way.’” I know exactly how she feels. And I understand if you feel the same.

Again and again, I wonder how it’s possible that so much sin still remains in me, even after knowing Jesus for most of my life. Since becoming a wife and mother, I’ve discovered entirely new “facets” of my heart. I’m ashamed of how much darkness still lingers there—or suddenly bursts forth.

Chapter 2 offered a helpful perspective. Sometimes it really does feel like I’m moving backward. But what a comfort to know that recognizing our sin and despairing over it can be profoundly healing—provided we don’t stay there but bring it all to Jesus.

I pray that you experience repentance again and again, letting yourself fall into the arms of your Savior ♡

Love,
Mirjana Joy