He Will Provide
Becoming a mom has been one of the most beautiful but at the same time most challenging experiences in my life. Malea makes me unspeakably happy. It’s such an honor and privilege I get to raise her. But…it comes with so much responsibility, decision-making, need for wisdom, and anxiety.
Those of you who’ve been following me for a while, know about my struggle with OCD. On the one hand, being a mom helps me fight my fears, but on the other hand, it even increases them.
Before having Malea I had work- and household tasks but it wasn’t like anybody’s world would have crashed if I didn’t exist, become sick, die, etc. Nobody depended on me in a way this little human does. MJ needs me. I’m her world. Wow.
BUT…after all, she and I don’t need me, not my strength, not my capability…but God’s! We need Him to equip me. We need Him to help me (and Leon) make wise decisions. We need Him to make me trust in His goodness and sovereignty when fears are trying to sneak in. And I know that He will provide! He already did. He will continue to do so.
I remember crying my eyes out several years ago, feeling overwhelmed by simply existing. For a long time, I had longed for marriage and kids. But my mental condition made me question that dream. How was I supposed to be a wife and mother when I felt so exhausted already?
I didn’t have the strength, or the health back then. God had not provided it because I was in a different season. I didn’t need to have what it takes to be a wife and a mom.
We might not feel able to deal with something tomorrow or sometime in the future. That’s because we are not able yet and do not need to. God doesn’t hand us a backpack with everything in it we will need during our life’s journey, but He provides right in time.
This is what my life’s been testifying. I was ready to get married when the time was right. I was able to give birth (still not over the fact that I did that!) and care for my baby daughter when God led me to that path. He provided – not before, but right when I needed it. And He will do the same in your life.
What challenges you when thinking about the future? Your relationship status, work, health, death…?
[The Bible] promises that in the hour of greatest trial, God comes to his children to give them faith…which they did not know they were capable of…Courage that you never thought was possible will be yours…The Holy Spirit will help you.John Piper