How Fairy Tales Destroy Our Love Stories
„Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.“ ~ 1.Corinthians 13:4 – 7
When I was sick in bed the other day, I started to google different topics beginning with Christians talking about how they found their happily ever after. I’m always excited to hear about other people’s love stories, and of course, I’m looking forward to my own. However, in the midst of listening to these romantic stories, God used an article by thefulltimegirl to remind me of something really important.
There’s a song by Meghan Trainor called “Dear Future Husband”. The singer talks about how she wants her future husband to be and she lists several expectations such as
– If you want that special loving, tell me I’m beautiful each and every night.
– Even if I was wrong you know I’m never wrong – why disagree?
– Open doors for me and you might get some kisses.
– Make time for me, don’t leave me lonely.
– And not to forget: if you treat me right, I’ll be the perfect wife.
As Christians we would probably say: “Well, kind of ironic but still pretty selfish, isn’t it? What about 1.Corinthians 13? Love is patient and kind? Love is not self-seeking?”
The lyrics express marriage very one-sided, but what happens if we turn our attention into our own hearts? There might be a chance that we see ourselves in this song.
Have you ever thought about how you want your future husband to be? How you want to be treated? We are the precious girls that deserve to be treated in a good way, don’t we? Well, is this statement really true?
Maybe you’re in a relationship or even married but you still carry a list in your heart and you are disappointed because your boyfriend/spouse does not fulfill your dreams the way you want him to. Particularly those girly-girl chick flicks provide us with unrealistic scenes. Noah from “The Notebook” writes a letter to his dear love every day of the year; Leo from “The Vow” tries to win back his wife’s heart when she lost her memory after an accident; Luke from “The Longest Ride” is a brave bull rider and a romantic gentleman at the same time – and of course, Gilbert Blythe from “Anne of Green Gables” makes a woman’s heart melt.
So what? Have you ever think about that these stories are made up? Yes, “The Vow” was inspired by a true story but there’s actually a book that doesn’t tell the Hollywood-side of it but the real struggles this couple had. Furthermore, did you ever have a glance on the actors‘ private lives? Do you really think Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling would always act the way they do in the movies because they have to follow the script? They obviously don’t. They are not able to do that because they are failing, they are not perfect such as every other man in the world. And we as the female part of a relationship aren’t definitely perfect either. Both will fail every day. We will hurt each other, we will be selfish, and we will struggle with our own pride, because we’re sinners. And every time we need to humble ourselves, ask for forgiveness and bring our sins to the cross.
But here’s the good news: when Jesus was crucified he said: “It is done.” And it is done. He paid the price for every failure, for every wrong motivation, all our selfishness and pride. He sacrificed Himself. We should never forget about this. Because this is the basis our relationships need. None of us could ever love each other purely, serve each other in a humble way and glorify God how He wants us to glorify Him in marriage if we don’t put Him in the center, put Him first, love Him with all of our hearts.
Ladies, we tend to look for perfection in a man, but you know what? We will never find it. We’re looking at the wrong place. Our (future) husband will never be able to love us the way Jesus does. He will never be able to fill our hearts with peace and joy such as Jesus. He will never be our savior and our sole fulfillment in life. Only Jesus is. He’s the perfect husband we’re looking for.
And this truth is important for men as well. Guys, if you decide to chase after a girl, you will chase after a sinner who will fail and who will not be able to fulfill all your dreams. Only Jesus will give you what your heart is longing for. Only Jesus will give you what your soul needs.
Does that mean that we should ignore every warning when we meet a potential future husband/wife? That we should forget about all the standards we had because it’s hopeless anyway? NO. There are definitely things we need to consider. And the most important one is this: does the person you’re interested in live in a deep relationship with Christ? He/she will fail but does he/she long after becoming more like Jesus each day? Does he/she ask for forgiveness and tries to protect his/her heart from sin in order to obey God?
And the same goes for you.
“How can we expect our [standards] of our future spouse if we are not willing to be those things ourselves? Why do we think that a person with those character traits should have to settle for us? Why should they receive a spouse who is anything less than all the good things that they are? […] If you don’t live your standards, you simply have no right asking someone else to live them for you.” ~ thefulltimegirl
If I want a godly man, I have to be a godly woman.
“If I want someone who is kind and caring, I have to be kind and caring.
If I want someone who is hardworking and honest, I have to work hard and be honest.
If I want someone who does their best and doesn’t give up, I have to do my best and not give up.
If I want someone who is actively pursuing Jesus Christ, I have to actively pursue Christ.
If I want someone who is going to be faithful and true to me… Guess what? I have to be faithful and true to them.” ~ thefulltimegirl
We can’t simply say “I’m a special girl, I deserve to be treated well,” or “I’m a great guy, I deserve to be treated in a good way,” but we need to remember that we both do have responsibility. If you date a Christian, he/she is precious in God’s eyes and you need to treat him/her that way. Not because this person is without any faults but because Jesus was without any faults and took all his/her sins so that God sees him/her in His precious son. Because of what Jesus has done, he/she is a child of the King. And if we treat our sisters and brothers in Christ with love, we will glorify God and spread the gospel. The people around us see our actions, and they speak louder than words.
Although, we will never find the perfect Prince/Princess Charming, I believe that there is a prince/princess out there that will be perfect for you. Jesus knows best what and who we need and His timing is perfect. No matter if you’re single right now, dating or married, there’s one important thing we all can do: PRAY. Pray for your (future) spouse and that God would prepare him/her, protect and help him/her to become a man/ woman after His heart. And we should pray the same things for us. That Jesus would prepare us being a godly wife/husband and draw us closer to Him each day. You should never settle for someone who does not chase after a godly spouse as much as you do.
My parents are celebrating their 25th anniversary this month, and as their daughter I had the chance to watch their life together throughout my childhood and teenage years until today. What I can say is: their marriage really demonstrates that a happily ever after is possible – not if we try to write our love story by ourselves, but if we leave the pen in God’s hands. The fairy tale is possible if we go through every storm with Him. It is possible if we trust and obey Him, and if we seek Him first, and chase more after Him than we chase after our spouse. When my parents vowed to love each other in good times as in bad, they didn’t know about all the valleys and mountains that would cross their path, but they always kept the promise they had made on their wedding day.
Happy anniversary, mom and dad! Thank you for being such a wonderful example to me. I love you more than words could ever express ♡